The Real You

I thought I told you that we won't stop: Unleashing your unstoppable powers

Cue the music! 

I thought I told that we won’t stop

I thought I told that we won’t stop

I thought I told that we won’t stop

I thought I told that we won’t stop 

Eh eh, eh eh 

This post really isn’t about my love for 90‘s music (shout out to 112!).  It’s about you being unstoppable.  I discovered that this weekend, and suddenly this song has new meaning for me.  Did you know you were unstoppable?  Here’s why I know you are. 

Over the weekend I discovered that I was unstoppable.  I realized this after completing a swim session in which I did 36 laps continuously (woohoo - go me!).  At the beginning of April, I didn’t know how to swim.  Now I can swim a distance long enough to participate in a sprint triathlon.  The road to get here hasn’t been easy.  But when I think over the results that I’m seeing now, all the work that was involved was well worth it.  Why do I think I’m unstoppable?  Here are just a few reasons:

What I used to never even think about doing (swimming), I now do.

What I used to not be able to do (swim), I now can.

What I used to watch others do and wish that I could (swim laps), I now can.

I used to not be able to swim a full lap without stopping, now I can do 36.

What used to take me one hour to do, now takes less than thirty minutes.

I am unstoppable.  I can do whatever I set out to do.  You are unstoppable too.  So what are you going to do?

Lose weight

Finish school

Repair your marriage

Start your business

Make a difference in your neighborhood

Bake a cake

Get out of debt

It doesn’t matter.  You can do it.  You’ve got unstoppable superpowers.  You just have to unleash them.

As I’ve been going through this journey of learning how to swim, I’ve learned a lot about what it takes to be unstoppable.  Over the next few posts I’ll share some of what I learned about what is required to be unstoppable with you.  So let’s be unstoppable together and get to some extraordinary living.  Ready?  Let’s go!

What does your declaration of independence say?

“We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness.”

This is a brief excerpt from the United States Declaration of Independence signed on July 4, 1776.  As Independence Day is celebrated in the United States, I cant’ help but think about the independence of the people both within the United States, as well as in the rest of the world (after all, the declaration does say that we are all created equal, so that means that independence and these rights are applicable to all, no?).  Two-hundred and thirty-five years ago, the country declared independence from British rule.  But as we look at people today, are we taking advantage of the independence that was fought so hard for?  

And what is independence anyway?  The dictionary defines it as:  freedom from the control, influence, support, aid, or the like of others.  Does this describe your life?

So as we celebrate Independence Day by setting off some fireworks, eating some barbecue, and spending time with family and friends, why not take some time to also take inventory of your life and assess if there is anything that you need to declare independence from.  Once you declare it, maybe you’ll be one step closer to Life, Liberty, and the pursuit of Happiness.  

And if you find that you are living a life full of independence and happiness, why not take the time to help others who are not yet living this way to declare their independence.  After all, it is an unalienable right for us all.

What a difference six months can make (or not)

A lot can change in six months.  Then again, a lot can stay the same too.

Since the beginning of the year there have been many many changes in my life.  Some good, some great, some not so much.  And some things have stayed the same.  Some things have inched along, and some things have moved forward full steam ahead.  I made progress toward old goals, dreamed some new dreams, smiled a whole lot more, treated myself a lot better, and experienced some similar frustrations.  These last six months in my life have made a big difference.  

So six months into this year, how are you doing?  Have you moved forward?  Have you moved back?  Have you made progress?  Hopefully you aren’t still complaining or talking about doing the same things without any action (or new actions if you haven’t seen the results you desire with old actions).  A lot can change in six months.  And then again, if we don’t do anything different a lot can stay the same.  At the end of the next six months I hope that there are some changes for the better in your life (other than you being six months older).  

It’s not too late to make this the best year yet.  You still have six months.  A lot can change in that time.  Make sure what changes is for the better.

What to do when the things that are out of your control are out of control

How many things in your life do you not have control over?  A lot of things I imagine.  Of the things that you do have control over, are you pleased with how you are managing it?  Over the years, I've endured my share of health challenges.  None of the issues that popped up were preventable (at least to my knowledge anyway), meaning I didn't have any say so in the matter regarding my body not running perfectly.  Thankfully, everything is under control now and with the exception of a few things here and there, I feel and am healthy.

When things in my body decided to act funky, it was outside of my control.  So I decided (after a few meltdowns) to focus on being a good steward of the things that I could control.  I can control my attitude, and I can control taking extra good care of my body to make sure that it runs as close to a well oiled machine as possible.  Now I eat better and work out regularly.  And consequently I am in the best shape I've been in since I can remember.  I don't want my body to be limited in any way, and I especially don't want it to be limited because I didn't take care of it.

When you feel like things that are out of your control are out of control, focus on what you can control.  Who knows, you may end up in an even better position as a result (that's how I feel now).  At the very least, it will help you to remain sane.  

Go you, it's a Thursday!

I just celebrated a birthday.  I had a good day, and since I was traveling for work I plan to continue along with some celebration this weekend.  I'm normally very excited for my birthday, however this year I was aware that I felt different.  I didn't have that same "go Sonia, it's your birthday!" feeling all day that I normally have.  I received a bunch of notes, calls, and texts from loved ones wishing me well, and that was fantastic of course.  I even had dinner with family that I don't get to see too often and did some dancing afterward.  I had lot's of stuff to smile about, and I did.  But I still wasn't quite feeling so "extra special."  

Then I realized what was going on.  I've been doing things a lot more lately to feel extra special.  I haven't been reserving that just for my birthday.  I've been actively trying to find enjoyment and special things in every day.  Sure, some days aren't quite as spectacular as others, but I've realized that I don't need it to be my birthday to celebrate.  Everyday should be a celebration.  We should take everyday as an opportunity to celebrate life, by making the most of it and giving it all we've got.  So as I continue along over the next few days "celebrating" - it will be just because, rather than just because it's my birthday. 

Hey, maybe I can even re-write that song:  "Go Sonia, it's a Monday, go Sonia, it's a Wednesday......." you get it!  

What do you think?  Are you ready to extend your birthday celebration to all year long?

I (re)discovered me. This is who I am.

Recently, I (re)discovered me.  Somehow, somewhere, over the years I lost some of who I was.  Whether it was because I was trying to please people, trying to fit in, trying to not look silly, or trying to be what I thought I was supposed to be, parts of who I really am got suppressed, shed, or lost along the way.  But the good news is that I took the time to get to know me, which has resulted in me (re)discovering me.  And now, as a result, I am embracing every part of me.  I am certainly not perfect.  But I am me.  Do you want to know what I (re)discovered about me?  I don’t mind sharing.  This is who I am (at least here’s 58 things about me):

1.     I love to smile and laugh. 

2.     I love to learn.

3.     I love to dance.  I especially love to Salsa, although I have been trying to do a lot of robot lately.  Sometimes I find that I will spontaneously break into dance – mostly just shaking my butt.

4.     I like to give.

5.     I like to help.

6.     Things that touch my heart make me cry.  I get emotional when things speak to me.

7.     I recharge by spending time alone.

8.     I shed a lot of tears these days (I shed tears while writing this!)

9.     I am independent and I enjoy being taken care of (go figure).

10.   I love to read.

11.   I am an athlete (even though I took ten years off- I rediscovered the joy and good feelings of moving          my body)

12.   I love(d) basketball – however I think my love for the Knicks has put me into a decade long basketball depression.  Football, baseball, and Roger Federer have gotten my attention as a result.

13.   Good enough isn’t enough. 

14.   Shameful as it may be, I get really excited to hear Doo Doo Brown or Donkey Butt (clean versions of course -please don’t judge me, I’m a Florida girl - see number 3).

15.   I am a dreamer.

16.   I’m not afraid of hard work (although sometimes I need a kick-start).

17.   Sometimes I have a smart mouth.

18.   I can have very strong opinions, and sometimes none at all.

19.   I have a voice.

20.   It is important to me that I respect you.  Please don’t make me lose it.

21.   I try to be strong on the outside, but I really am soft on the inside.

22.   Sometimes I am a wreck.  (I hope you never see me that way).

23.   I believe in Love.

24.   I am an optimist. 

25.   I do better when I am fed.

26.   I am a big fan of corny.

27.   I love cake and cupcakes (hold the fruit please).

28.   I like muscles (smile).

29.   I could benefit from being a better communicator.  I’m learning to express how I feel.

30.   I don’t like conflict, but I nowrecognize that avoidance is not the answer (see number 29).

31.   I like travelling and learning about other cultures and people.

32.   I dislike seeing people not living their potential.

33.   I like to be in control, but I am learning how to go along for the ride.

34.   I am a leader, but I know how to follow (at least I think I do). 

35.   Sometimes I just want to follow.

36.   I am harder on myself than anyone else could ever be.

37.   I used to live in fear, but now I live in faith.

38.   My love language is “words of affirmation”.  What you say to me matters, and it needs to be plain and simple (I don’t have the best track record with reading between the lines).  A heartfelt “good job” or “I love you” mean the world to me.

39.   I don’t think I would ever grow tired of hearing “I love you.”

40.   I am a fan of PDA.

41.   I am loyal.

42.   I am a writer (who knew?).

43.   I love to eat.

44.   If your feet are in contact with my body in any way for longer than two seconds, I must really love you. 

45.   I love marketing (and business in general).

46.   I love strategy.

47.   I have high expectations.

48.   Simple things make me happy (like a nice note or this sleep shirt that I’m wearing that says “super model”) It doesn’t take a lot to make me smile (see number 1).

49.   I love a good hug.

50.   I am green (recycle, reduce, reuse!).

51.   I believe what people say.

52.   I believe in people.

53.   My attention span isn’t as long as it could be.

54.   I often feel different than others, and I am learning to be ok with that.

55.   I am in control of my happiness.

56.   I want more out of life.

57.   I want to make a difference.

58.   I want to change the world.

This is a bit of who I am.  I learned these things when I (re)discovered me.  And I’m so happy that I did.

Do you need to (re)discover you?

It's time to 'give us us free'

What does freedom mean to you?  I’ve been having a dialogue with a friend about freedom which has caused me to think a lot about what it means.  Here is what I’ve come up with:

Freedom is the ability to do something because you want to, not because you have too.

Not because there is a law that says you have to.

Not because you feel like you have to to fit in.

Not because someone wants you to.

Not because that’s the way you’ve always done it and you haven’t even considered another way.

Not because someone told you to.

Not because someone expects you to.

Not because it seems like there is no other way.

Not because that is the accepted way.

Freedom is doing (or not doing something) because that is what you want to do, not because you have to.

There seems to be three critical elements that feed into your ability to live a life of freedom:

Self-love: If you don’t love yourself or know your worth, you are much more willing to accept the will of others as the gospel for your life.  When you love yourself, are in tune with yourself, and know your worth, you want and strive for what is best for you, and are less concerned with what anyone else has to say.

Knowledge: When you know better you do better.  The more you know, the more informed a decision you can make about what is best for you in your life.  The more you know, the less limited you are regarding the options that are available to you.  The more you know, the less likely you are to rely on others for information.

The Decision: There must be a decision to put your self-love and knowledge into action to do something because you want to, not because you have to.  Without the decision to live free, you won’t be free.

I don’t want to live in bondage.  Too many people live in bondage.  Not because someone put them there.  Because they chose to stay there.   So I choose to live free.  Because I want to.  Not because I have to.

Are you living free?  What does freedom mean to you?

It's time to 'give us us free'

What does freedom mean to you?  I’ve been having a dialogue with a friend about freedom which has caused me to think a lot about what it means.  Here is what I’ve come up with:

Freedom is the ability to do something because you want to, not because you have too.

Not because there is a law that says you have to.

Not because you feel like you have to to fit in.

Not because someone wants you to.

Not because that’s the way you’ve always done it and you haven’t even considered another way.

Not because someone told you to.

Not because someone expects you to.

Not because it seems like there is no other way.

Not because that is the accepted way.

Freedom is doing (or not doing something) because that is what you want to do, not because you have to.

There seems to be three critical elements that feed into your ability to live a life of freedom:

Self-love: If you don’t love yourself or know your worth, you are much more willing to accept the will of others as the gospel for your life.  When you love yourself, are in tune with yourself, and know your worth, you want and strive for what is best for you, and are less concerned with what anyone else has to say.

Knowledge: When you know better you do better.  The more you know, the more informed a decision you can make about what is best for you in your life.  The more you know, the less limited you are regarding the options that are available to you.  The more you know, the less likely you are to rely on others for information.

The Decision: There must be a decision to put your self-love and knowledge into action to do something because you want to, not because you have to.  Without the decision to live free, you won’t be free.

I don’t want to live in bondage.  Too many people live in bondage.  Not because someone put them there.  Because they chose to stay there.   So I choose to live free.  Because I want to.  Not because I have to.

Are you living free?  What does freedom mean to you?

How to live a life of abundance

Give to others often and don't keep score.  Give of your time, your love, and your resources.  It's the best way I know to live a life of abundance.  It really is more blessed to give than to receive.  Have you tried it?

What makes you smile?

There are many things that make me smile:  my four year old niece Jade, a beautiful summer day, accomplishing personal goals, talking to a friend, and cupcakes, to name a few.  Lately, I’ve been taking notice of what things make me smile.  I do this so I aware of what things I want more of – so that I can keep on smiling (although I’m not sure that many more cupcakes is such a good idea).  Now that I know what I want more of, the task is to figure out how to get more.

What’s making you smile these days?  How will you plan to get more of it?  We should all smile more.

How to end the war (or a surefire way for everyone to win it) - your choice

All over the world there are people at war with each other.  Have you noticed?

Nation versus nation  

Race versus race

Religion versus religion  

Gang versus gang

Politician versus politician

Rich versus poor

Man versus woman

Mother versus father

Sister versus brother

Friend versus friend

People versus people 

And that just shouldn’t be.  Because the casualties of war often are much more destructive than any victory that ensues following it.  Yeah, someone will end up being the last one standing at some point, but at what cost?

Here’s an idea.  Why not just call whatever war, battle, grudge, or disagreement, you may be engaged in (no matter how big or small) a truce?  How about just dropping the matter that caused the tension, putting it in the past, and moving on?  Or, if you must engage in war with another, why not war over who can love the other the best.  That’ll show’em (uh-oh, I think my country is showing)!  Then instead of someone being the last one standing, we can all stand together.  I think that sounds mighty nice.  

3 words you really don't want to hear

Over the past few years, I've heard the same words come from the mouths of various people as they were talking to me.  It used to be when I heard someone say the words, I would nod my head and say yep, even if only to myself.  But of late, when someone says them to me I just cringe.  I know you're busy.  Usually when someone says this, its accompanied by other words that involve me spending time doing something that pertains to the other person.  It's one thing to be busy doing things, getting things done.  But there is such a thing as being too busy, right?

I'm not exactly sure what the trigger was that caused me to start feeling differently about someone saying this phrase to me.  What is more important is how I respond.  Lately, I've been hearing people that I love and care about say this too often.  But, the truth is I shouldn't be too busy to take time for the people I love.  I shouldn't be too busy to help someone who might need me.  I just shouldn't be too busy.

And what am I so busy doing anyway?  Is it really more important than tending to the people that are in my life?  I don't think so.  

Don't be too busy for the things that are important.  And usually, the things that are important are people that we care about.  People in your life are here one day and gone the next, whether they move away, grow up, pass on, walk away, or whatever.  In the past I have regrettably been too busy for some of those people.  I don't want to have regrets anymore.  

I don't want to be too busy for the people I love.  So I'm actively working to make sure that I'm not.  Are you able to do the same?

Have you started living yet?

Have you started living your life yet?  I mean really started living it?  I don't mean going through the motions of getting up everyday, going to work, getting caught up in the mundane, waiting for something great to happen in your life as you watch other people live their life.  I'm talking about getting up everyday and thriving, doing things that you enjoy, doing things that matter, doing things that make a difference, doing things that create lasting memories?  That's living.  

And if you haven't started living yet, what's stopping you?

Go ahead, and live your life while you still can.  Don't wait until you are retired.  Don't wait until the kids are grown.  Don't wait until you get married.  Don't wait until you make more money.  Don't wait.  Start now!

Get acquainted with this person and change your life

Get to know yourself.  Get to like yourself.  Get to love yourself.  

It will change your life for the better in almost every way.

Life lessons from the surfboard

A few weeks ago I took a surf lesson.  Before getting in the water, my instructor took a great bit of time explaining to me the importance of placement in the center of the board, and balance.  If I’m too far to the left I’ll fall.  If I’m too far to the right I’ll fall.  If I’m too far back I’ll fall.  And if I’m too far to the front, guess what?  I’ll fall (I know this because I fell quite a bit!).  But when I was able to get my footing in the middle of the board and find my center of gravity (balance), it didn’t matter how big the wave was.  I was going to be able to ride it to the end.

 

The same lessons are true in life.  It is so much about staying centered and balance.  When you aren’t centered (or aren’t in a good place with yourself), it doesn’t matter where you are, eventually you will fall.  When you focus too much on one thing or another, that takes you away from your center, you are very likely to fall.  

 

(me demonstrating what happens when you are not centered or balanced!)

Falling in life is much worse than falling into the ocean.  So as you continue along your journey through life, make sure you stay centered.  Don’t focus so much on career, or riches, or a person, or people, or whatever to the point that it takes you away from your center.  Get balanced.  

And if you do fall, get back up.

Fight! Fight! Who's your money on?

Most of the battles we go through in life take place in our own mind.  Once you are able to win the battles going on in your mind, you will be in the best position to win the other battles that take place outside of your mind.  

Oh, and the best part about a battle happening in your mind is that you really do have total control over which side wins out.  Pretty cool huh?

Which side will you let win in your mental battle?

How a washing machine, a drip, and a flower can produce a smile

When I got home from work today it was raining.  Then it started to rain harder.  And then a little harder.  As I sat in my car, not yet ready to go in the house I listened to the rain.  I watched the rain.  I found peace in the rain.  I smiled at the rain.  Somehow, in the middle of a heavy rain shower, I smiled.  Then I looked around and took notice of what the rain produced.  Growth.  Lot’s of growth in the flowers and plants all around.  They needed the rain.  They thrive because of the rain.  They were smiling at the rain as well.

Eventually, I made it into my house.  Then a storm came through my house as well when I put a load of clothes in the (brand new) washer only to hear a drip, drip, drip a bit later on my wood floor down below.  The storm of life came into my house.  Then I remembered my time sitting in the car taking notice of the rain coming down from the sky, and decided to take notice of the figurative (and somewhat literal) storm coming down in my house.  I wonder what this storm will produce?  How will I grow from this?  How can I find peace in this?  How will I thrive in the rain?  And then I smiled. 

(my flowers thriving after the rain)

Are you able to smile in the middle of your storm?  What do your storms produce?

What has hindsight taught you?

They say hindsight is 20/20.  You are able to look back at a situation and see it much more clearly.  Often, hindsight allows you to see what you should have done.  Instead of dwelling on what should have been, let’s instead turn our focus on what can be.  We all make mistakes and I know there are many situations that I wish I could turn back the hands of time and just get a redo, but I can’t.  None of us can.  So I’m going to learn from the hindsight of my past.  I’ll learn from it and use it to make my present and my future all the better.  That way, eventually when I look back on the decisions that I made today, instead of reflecting on what should have been I’ll be pleased with what I actually did. 

What has hindsight taught you that you can apply today?

11 Things you shouldn't let come between you and your friends

Don’t let anything come between you and your friends.

Not time.

Not money.

Not distance.

Not people.

Not disagreements.

Not unforgiveness.

Not jealousy.

Not laziness.

Not time zones.

Not life.

Not anything. 

Really great friends are so hard to come by.  When you find them, cherish them, hold on to them, nurture them, love them, and appreciate them.  They are ever so worth it.  I’ve had some really good friends in my lifetime.  And although I haven’t always been the best friend, they have always been there for me.  That’s what friends do.  They are with you through good times and bad.  They are there when you are at your best and your worst.  They are there when you need to laugh and cry.  They know when to knock some sense into you and when to let you be foolish.  They want what is best for you.  And they are a blessing to you.

This weekend I was reminded of the value of good friends.  I spent a good while reconnecting with a dear friend I was disconnected from for years.  I wished an old friend who I don’t get to spend so much time with happy birthday.  I chatted with another friend who will be moving far away for a year.  I said “see you later friend” to another who will be moving even farther for three years.  I flipped through old photo albums and remembered the good times through the years with many friends.  My friends have been a blessing to me.  I love you my friends.

Good friends are gifts.  Don’t throw them away.  Don’t let them slip away.  Don’t let anything come between you and your friends.

Do you need to reconnect with a friend today?  What else would you add to the list of things not to let come between you and your friends?

I am thankful for the rain

It’s raining outside.  While I prefer the sunshine, I understand that rain is sometimes necessary.  Not only does it nourish the flowers, the grass, and the trees so they are able to grow big and beautiful, but it makes me appreciate the sunny days that much more.  I am thankful for the rain.  

 

Home is where it's at

There's no place like home.

Home is where the love is.

Home is where everything is comfortable.

Home is where they know your name.

Home is where it's at.

Home is where you make it.

There's no place like home.

Have you been hit by the hurt cycle?

Take a moment and think about the last time you were hurt.  Not physically hurt, but emotionally.  Do you have that memory in your head?  Now, by chance did you do anything irrational while you were in your state of hurt?  Did you do or say anything that you wish you could take back?  If so you are not alone, I have certainly been there and done that.

Hurt people hurt people.  They do it because they are hurt.  Not because they are bad people.  And when you are hurt, often your judgement is clouded.  When you are really hurt, it can be really hard to see beyond it.  When you hurt, all you really want is to feel better.  And unfortunately, sometimes in our effort to feel better we make other people feel worse.  It’s not the answer, but its often what people do.

Be mindful of this the next time you encounter the wrath of a hurt person.  You don’t have to like the action.  You don’t have to like the behavior.  But you can have a bit of compassion.  Just remember there is a person underneath the ugliness, that is probably broken and who desperately needs to be put back together.

When you remember that, it also makes it a whole lot easier to forgive.  Then you won’t further hurt the hurt person because you are hurt (which would continue the cycle). And then maybe (just maybe) it will put you in a better position to help that person move beyond their brokenness, so they won’t hurt others (or themselves) anymore.

Ooohhhh! This is what right feels like.

Have you ever tried really hard at something?  Have you ever really tried hard at something, only for it to not work out or go the way you wanted?  I certainly have and it is not the best feeling.  I recently started swim lessons, and at my last session a while back my instructor was trying to teach me proper technique for the backstroke.  I just was not getting it.  I could see her frustration with me, and I was frustrated with myself.  I was trying and it wasn't working.

Life is going to be full of challenges that we will need to take on, and there are a couple of approaches we can take when it comes to handling those challenges that bring varied results.  Here are some approaches that I took in trying to tackle my challenge of learning the backstroke, and what I learned about the effectiveness of each one.

Avoidance

Well, avoidance does have its benefits in that you don't have to experience the frustration of things not working out the way you want to.  However, you will not get any better at the task.  After that last swim lesson, I avoided doing the backstroke for a bit.  I did not like it, I was not good at it, and it was work every step of the way.  So I didn't do it.  And I continued to suck at it.

Half-baked "trying"

After avoiding the backstroke for some time, I realized that that was not the answer to figuring how to do it well.  So I decided that when I would go for a swim workout, I would throw in a couple laps of backstroke to say that "I worked on it."  And I did.  And it continued to be bad.  Although I remembered what my instructor told me I should do, it wasn't coming naturally, and things were not coming together at all.  So I decided to do it my way and ignored what I was taught in the lesson.  I would just plough through the laps of backstroke, exerting a whole lot more energy than necessary (and probably looking really crazy as well). I still didn't enjoy it - felt like way too much work.

Trying is better than avoidance, but if you are halfway "trying" and committed to doing something your own way rather than the right way, you aren't going to see the results you want.  I know I didn't.

Work on the fundamentals (you know, the right way)

Although in many cases there isn't just one right way to get something done, there often is a generally accepted way that works really well.  It tends to be helpful to work hard at applying the fundamentals of that way, because often enough it works (and if you've already gone through avoidance and taking the half-way "trying" approach unsuccessfully, what do you have to lose?).  You may not see the results you want immediately when you try doing something the right way, but if you keep at it and commit yourself to getting it, eventually you will see results.

Tonight as I was dreading the laborious task of doing more laps of backstroke "my way" I decided give my instructors way (the right way) of doing the backstroke another try.  I did a few laps, concentrated on my technique and doing what she told me I should do, and wouldn't you know it, I did it right.  I did the backstroke the right way, and after just one lap of doing it right, I said "Ooooooooohhh!  This is what right feels like!"  It turns out, doing it right is so much easier than doing it any other way.  Doing it the right was not only easier, it was faster, it was absolutely more fun, and I imagine it looked a whole lot better.  I really like what right feels like.  Although I'm not quite consistent with doing backstroke the right way every time, I'm looking forward to getting there.  The right way is so much better than any other way.

As you go along tackling the challenges that come into your life, I wish for you that you would bypass avoidance, and half-baked "trying" (a.k.a. doing it your way), or any other not so right way, and instead opt to go directly to doing it "the right way."  Trust me, it's a whole lot easier, you won't waste as much time, and it feels great.  And who doesn't like right?

So what is it in your like do you need to figure out what "right" feels like?

What 4 countries in 10 days taught me about people

Over the last ten days I have been in four different countries (U.S., Mexico, UK, and France).  As I interacted with people in each place and considered my experiences in other countries over the years, one thing has become very clear to me:  we are all really the same.  

Sure we are all unique individually, but as I observe and talk to people in each country, fundamentally we all want, need, and seek after the same things:

Love

Respect

A good living

Security

Fulfillment

Enjoyable life outside of work

We all want, need, and seek after the same things, but the degree with which many are able to achieve these goals is different depending on where you go.  And the way in which many go about achieving these things are different depending on where you go.  The priority that is placed upon each of these desires varies depending on where you are as well.  

We may speak different languages, eat different foods, adopt different customs, practice different religions, engage in different activities, and have different attitudes.  But at the end of the day, we all want, need, and desire the same thing.  Probably because no matter where we live, we are all people.  And ultimately, we are all really all the same.

And since we are the same, all the more reason why we should treat each other the way we would want to be treated.

Do you know Sabina, Donte, or Derrick?

Tonight as I was catching up on some reading, I read an article in Philadelphia Magazine that made me cry.  It's the story of a young woman Sabina, who was raped and murdered as she rode her bike home one day, Donte who admitted to committing the crime, and Derrick who also committed an unrelated (but thematically related) violent crime against at least one other woman in the area.  

Sabina was the victim of Donte.  Donte and Derrick were the victims of their parents and their environment.  And their parents were victims of drugs, teen motherhood, and more.  It's was a vicious cycle.  While I am absolutely not condoning the terrible crimes that these two young men committed, I am saddened by the string of circumstances and events over many many years that led up to them.  I cried for Sabina, Donte, Derrick, and for the many others souls who are out there just like them.  Souls that were eaten up by the environment they found themselves in, rather than being able to overcome it.

So what happens now?  Sabina is gone, never to come back again.  Donte and Derrick are in prison both for a very long time.  But what about all the others who are like them?  What will we do for them? How will be prevent there from being more Sabina's, Donte's and Derrick's?  

Addressing the issues of crime, poverty, drugs, teen motherhood, or education may not be what you are supposed to tackle.  That's ok, because the fact remains, there are Sabina's, Donte's, and Derrick's all around us.  The crimes may not be as heinous, and the consequences may not be as serious, but there are people all around everywhere who are being eaten up by the environment that they find themselves in.  And as a result, many people suffer.  Many people's lives are cut short.  Many people walk around in misery.  Many people fall short of the life that they could and should live.  Unless of course someone comes along and helps.  Unless someone, somewhere comes along, sees the problem, and cares enough to do something about it.  It may not be that we can save all the Sabina's, Donte's, and Derrick's, but even if a few can be saved it is worth every ounce of energy and effort that is put into it.  Don't you think?

Now I know that we all have our own set of issues and challenges.  But I am convinced that when we take the time to shine the light on someone else to help to make a difference in the life of another, the circumstances in your life will either get better or at the very least be that much easier to bear.

As a society, we cannot afford to ignore the Sabina's, the Donte's, and the Derrick's of the world.  The more we ignore them, the more there are of them, and the worse off they (and all of us as a result) become.  

So what have you done to help?  What will you to to make a difference in the life of some Sabina, Donte, or Derrick?  One of them somewhere needs you, and is waiting.  Don't delay.